Saturday, September 20, 2008

Leaving three behind for four

You went to sleep three and woke up four. In those twelve hours that passed, it's as though we really did move forward a year. You seemed older, more independent and less mine. Able to fix your own hair, convinced you no longer need a nap and completely aware you are now four.

Every day you slip further from me and closer to the world outside, but last night it was as though you gained your footing and ran even further ahead in your journey. The confidence you've found in yourself is reassuring, yet frightening. The self reliance you've acquired is comforting, yet saddening. The ironies of your maturing are everywhere.

While I anxiously await to see what lies ahead for you ... what talents you'll develop, what friends you'll choose, what career path you'll follow; I also want you to stay just the way you are ... able to do so many things for yourself, while still needing me.

This growing up is a series of trade-offs. Loosing a bit of the itty bitty girl for a girl who is more aware and asks more difficult questions. Teaching you the rights from the wrongs while everywhere around you lies influences you now have the mind to interpret and process for yourself. Wanting to keep you safe and to myself, but your need to reach out and experience more of the world.

Trading innocence for experience, trading days for memories, trading three for four.

1 comment:

Gina said...

Aww, so sweet.

Take comfort though, I'm 33 and I still need my momma all the time.

I hope this growing up doesn't also include not seeing her BFF as a rock star anymore. I need to get up there a-sap and play some sparkly guitar.